Never Have I Ever... had Sex!

 

For a couple years now there has felt like an enormous pressure to lose your virginity, especially before going to university. Sex is ever present in the media; in books, movies, and podcasts- it feels like you can't get away from it. It feels like everyone's at 'it' so in this week's post, I wanted to destigmatise being 20 and still a virgin because trust me you are not alone. 

From experience, I spent most of my teen years as a virgin but felt a huge amount of pressure to lose my 'V-card' before entering my 20s so I ended up rushing to lose it. I don't regret my decision because the experience was safe and I felt comfortable, however, part of me only did it because of other people's expectations rather than for myself.

One must remember that love and sex are not dependent on each other but can coexist. There is a big pressure for women to lose their virginity to someone they love but you don't need to put pressure on it; it can be special or it can be with someone you just like, all that matters is that YOU are ready. 

In the movie, Clueless, Cher and Donna are talking to Tai about still being virgins. One specific quote always stuck with me; "you know how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet". The reason you are still a virgin is not an issue, it's your choice and the only reason you haven't lost it is because you are saving it for someone who shares mutual respect for you. 

Remember it's no one's business (people lie about it anyway), people might tease if they know but no one truly cares! During this time, focus on yourself and learn what you like or dislike so that when you end up with someone you can enjoy the experience. Also who needs a partner when there is always a vibrator :)

A final point is that I am not a therapist but this is what I have learnt from my time in therapy and how I came to feel comfortable in my sexuality. Hope reading this post resonates with someone and it puts your mind at ease a bit. 

Love, Aria 

XO